"Are you okay, like do you feel different?" 1 week down

After one week and countless obstacles to evade (my brother waving bacon in my face, watching my friends chow down on Fletcher's hamburgers and resisting the call of Philly Cheasesteak Lean Pockets from my freezer), I have managed to completely abstain from meat. Don't worry, I'll pat myself on the back.

Today my boss, after informing him that I had jumped on the vegetarian bandwagon, asked me if I'm doing okay. To which I replied: "uh yeah, it's not like I stopped eating."

The feedback for vegetarians is predictably non-diverse. When you tell people that you don't eat meat they typically reply with one of two responses:
1) Dude, you're off your f*ing rocker.
or
2) That's so eco-friendly of you!

At this point I'm deciding whether or not either of these comments motivates me or discourages me. One would think that both would encourage. Undoubtedly, the first fuels a "me against the world" flame that can't be extinguished. However, the latter has done more harm than good for my vegetarian mindset.

Sure I am happy to be playing my part in a sustainable world, but it'd be easier to feel good about it if I didn't have to hear the eye-roll inducing chirping of the granola mountain earth brigade every time I motion for a pile of carrots. An example of this would be my good friend and anarchist, we'll call him Roger Thor, suggesting that I start eating lentils because they're "a magical little bean," or whatever.

My point here is, that in order for vegetarianism to become more ingrained in United States culture, there need to be more iconic role models to follow. American youth don't look to Natalie Portman to craft their consumption habits after, certainly not while Donovan McNabb is pumping Cambell's Chunky Soup.

Average citizens may be more inclined to reduce their carbon footprint through their diet if we had more appealing (less annoying) spokespersons for the vegetarian lifestyle (if you can call it that). At this point, I'm not sure who to suggest. But if they don't wear a bandana or any article of hemp clothing, they'll have a better chance at being effective.

I'll tell you what though, as long as Chipotle's cilantro lime rice, guacamole and plethora of salsas are fresh and tasty, their chicken is nothing more than an afterthought to me.

Peace and love,

TT

Day 2, The Vegetarian Voyage --- This is going to be harder than I thought...

Good morning all,

My first full day as a vegetarian was marred with regret. Upon waking from my peaceful slumber, I strolled into my kitchen to pour myself a nice cup of half-caf sumatra and gather my food for the day whilst munching on my breakfast. While gazing into my fridge, I practically had to yank my hand away from the magnetic field drawing my hand toward the leftover bacon and sausage someone had left in a Styrofoam container, instead moving right past it to snag a few orange slices.

At that moment I foresaw my next hundred encounters similar to this that I'll face this coming month. While making my lunch and snacks for the day, I could not take my eyes off of the newly purchased pack of all-beef snack sticks. It would have been so easy to snag a couple of those to provide me with a quick protein pick-me-up that afternoon, yet I suppressed the urge and opted for some bland at best Reduced Fat Wheat Thins. A wise choice since I'm fairly certain that all-beef snack sticks played a large role in my childhood obesity.

My menu for day 2 is as follows:
Breakfast:
2 slices peanut butter toast (with white choc. PB, beats the hell out of a side of bacon)
1 glass of orange-pineapple juice
about 34 cups of coffee
1 Nutri-grain bar (strawberry acai, of course)
Lunch:
Cheese enchilada lean cuisine
roughly 3.69 oz of RF Wheat Thins
1 Nature Valley Granola Bar (Maple Brown Sugar)
4 Orange Slices
about 12 more cups of coffee
Dinner:
1 bowl of creamy alfredo pasta, hold the cluck
1 handful of salted-in-the-shell peanuts (great protein alternative)
2 Pork-chops in a bottle
    *Before you gasp at this, I am referring to the deliciously smooth taste of Budweiser

The outlier in this menu is clearly the spike in coffee consumption, possibly to balance out my lack of energy from protein shortage. However, this drastically reduces my fat consumption since I like my coffee how I like my licorice...black.

Looking forward to 30 more days of this...anyone else care to join me?


TT

The Vegetarian Voyage, Day 1

To anyone who is reading this, if anyone,

Today I embark on a journey of self-control and stupidity. With the emotional support of my hansom and fit sponsor, Bimmy Jackes, I commence my one calendar month (the 14th day of June through the 13th day of July) abstinence of animal protein (aside from dairy products and eggs). Admittedly, it is treacherous for a carnivorous man to vegetize himself on a whim, especially during the blistering months of June and July. He may become jaundiced from the sudden influx of vitamin A or crippled by the sharp decline of gelatinous fat; its also possible that he may suffer a TBI after slipping on his own drool after the first time he sulks past the meat case at his local supermarket. But believe you me, I have thought this decision through (as much as I typically do, which is minimally).

I acknowledge all the bountiful feasts I will be missing out on these next 31 days: the mind-boggling assortment of luncheon meats I could sample at high school grad parties, the meterwurst challenge at Gasthoff's (definitely not the correct spelling) that I'll have to postpone, and of course, my aunt's lip-smackingly splendidlyumptious pork ribs I'll have to pass up on our nation's Independence Day.

Instead I'll have to make do with a plethora of mundane pasta salads and vegetarian side dishes that eating establishments often slap together to create a complete "meal" for every poor sap who chooses to abstain from meat.

Nevertheless, in the words of Barnibus Stinson:

"Challege accep....former Massachusetts senator, may he rest in peace, brother of Jack, Kennedy!" (Ted, challenge accepTED!)

So, to any follower of this blog who witnesses me consuming any delectable form of chicken, pork, beef, turkey, ostrich, dog, kangaroo or rattlesnake any time before July 13th, I hereby administer permission to slap whatever it may be right out of my hand(s).

I'm sure nobody will read this anyway, but please wish me luck those who do.

Here goes nothin...

TT

PS, if there are any typos, point them out if ya wanna be an ass like me