The Vegetarian Voyage, Day 1

To anyone who is reading this, if anyone,

Today I embark on a journey of self-control and stupidity. With the emotional support of my hansom and fit sponsor, Bimmy Jackes, I commence my one calendar month (the 14th day of June through the 13th day of July) abstinence of animal protein (aside from dairy products and eggs). Admittedly, it is treacherous for a carnivorous man to vegetize himself on a whim, especially during the blistering months of June and July. He may become jaundiced from the sudden influx of vitamin A or crippled by the sharp decline of gelatinous fat; its also possible that he may suffer a TBI after slipping on his own drool after the first time he sulks past the meat case at his local supermarket. But believe you me, I have thought this decision through (as much as I typically do, which is minimally).

I acknowledge all the bountiful feasts I will be missing out on these next 31 days: the mind-boggling assortment of luncheon meats I could sample at high school grad parties, the meterwurst challenge at Gasthoff's (definitely not the correct spelling) that I'll have to postpone, and of course, my aunt's lip-smackingly splendidlyumptious pork ribs I'll have to pass up on our nation's Independence Day.

Instead I'll have to make do with a plethora of mundane pasta salads and vegetarian side dishes that eating establishments often slap together to create a complete "meal" for every poor sap who chooses to abstain from meat.

Nevertheless, in the words of Barnibus Stinson:

"Challege accep....former Massachusetts senator, may he rest in peace, brother of Jack, Kennedy!" (Ted, challenge accepTED!)

So, to any follower of this blog who witnesses me consuming any delectable form of chicken, pork, beef, turkey, ostrich, dog, kangaroo or rattlesnake any time before July 13th, I hereby administer permission to slap whatever it may be right out of my hand(s).

I'm sure nobody will read this anyway, but please wish me luck those who do.

Here goes nothin...

TT

PS, if there are any typos, point them out if ya wanna be an ass like me